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The Pandemic has seen an increase in marriages succumbing to infidelity, ending in divorce.
With financial uncertainty adding unwelcomed fuel to the fire, Esther Perel and our panel of experts have some much-needed insight to bring back hope to those in need.
More often than not, spouses become the ‘dumping ground’ for one another’s professional challenges and roadblocks. Bringing work into the home and even as far as the bedroom, is not only a huge turnoff, but it is enough to drive a near irreparable wedge in the relationship. Prioritizing your own healing, utilizing alternate ways to process suppressed emotion – such as Therapy or Coaching – while bringing attention to your relationship with renewed zest, can rescue even the direst of affairs.
Hack Number One: Invite Eroticism In
Psychotherapist and NYT Best Seller, Esther Perel, is one of the world’s leading experts in helping people develop quality relationships. Lately, she has been speaking to eroticism and particularly the energy in engaging the five senses. As she explains; “eroticism holds us together by a shared sense of wonder that both grounds and excites us!”
Eroticism is the exploration of sexual desire and excitement, which according to Perel is a “fundamental yet often a forgotten truth” for quality relationships to be actualized. Even in the darkest of times, the beauty of the world is available to us, when we listen a little closer, we touch a little softer when we savor and linger and most importantly we observe and embody the truth of what we are experiencing through our journey.
Hack Number Two: Deep Self Love
According to Adriana Monique Alvarez, the CEO of AMA Publishing where uncensored stories are championed and USA Today bestselling author, it all begins with a strong relationship with self. Her marriage thrives because she is the priority: “I give energy to my relationship by first being right with myself. Without daily quiet time and taking exceptional care of myself, I could not give properly.”
The work Adriana does on herself to not only cultivate deep self-love, but to heal what holds her back, she is able to see, hear and support her husband for all of who he is, who he is becoming, and all that he once was. “My marriage is happy and fun because I give to myself first. By cultivating a daily practice of quiet time, connected to my purpose, I am able to stay true to who I really am.”
Women are often taught to put others first. This ideology is changing and an increasing number of women are releasing the ‘people pleasing’ behavior, holding them back from investing in themselves, whether it be time or money.
“I have been committed to putting myself first for years; daily quiet time and exceptional self-care is a non-negotiable. This means I am happy with my health and appearance and have the energy and enthusiasm to be a loving and happy wife.”
Hack Number Three: Cultivate Your Secret Garden
“My secret garden is a place that transcends all my success and strips me down to the inner core of who I am and the legacy I want to leave behind.”
Ebony Swank, CEO of 7 figure global brand, Swank-a-Posh, who recently married her soulmate, believes that being present for your relationship is the crux to thriving together – “We have to tend to the garden of our union, if we want it to bear fruit!” – Swank.
Hacking modern-day relationships requires the intentional presence and the energy to ensure they do more than just ‘work’, especially as Entrepreneurs. As high-achieving women, we can often scare our men with our commitment to growth. Slowing down and allowing ourselves to come back to our feminine self, ensures he becomes our haven, where we can be all of us, to be seen and be safe to unravel, far from the outside world.
“My husband is my secret garden. I tend to the space we create together because I want it to be a garden that grows. When I land in my garden – my husband removes me from all the noise in my life and helps me realize the importance of ‘me’ and what we create together. He encourages me when I am down, but more importantly, preempts the downtimes, and knows how to uplift me before I get to that point!”
Hack Number Four: Learn Open Communication And Independence
“Open communication is one of the most important elements in a relationship and especially inside a marriage. I always share how I feel, reinforce what I love, and provide feedback on what I think needs improving.”
Blair Kaplan Venables is a social media expert and the President of Blair Kaplan Communications, a British Columbia-based PR agency. She’s an advocate for independently striving to pursue your passions beyond your relationship while learning the art of open communication.
For these elements to be potent ingredients to a thriving relationship, Blair also speaks to the importance of moving through your own individual healing: “I’ve sought guidance from Business Coaches, Grief Counselors, Therapists, and Psychologists, and attended numerous Personal Development workshops to keep me moving towards my goals.”
According to Blair, without that individual healing and passionate pursuits, communicating in an open and vulnerable way to move the relationship forward into the realms of its full potential, would resemble trying to push a boulder up a never-ending hill.
Be the ambitious woman who gives energy and attention to her relationship while building her empire. It can be done and it is being done. Choose to no longer allow your partner to be the ‘dumping ground’ for what you are working through. Find an outlet, along with the support to provide the space and expertise to guide you on your journey.
Written by Shannon Rose